I want to be an HPC star

(sung to Nickelback’s “Rockstar”, and apologies to them for butchering their song … this is a parody/adaptation, covered under fair use)

I’m through with standing in line to data centers I’ll never get in
It’s like the bottom of the ninth and I’m never gonna win
This life hasn’t turned out quite the way I wanted it to be …

[Tell me what you want]

I want a brand new super in my own data center,
and a raised floor I can play baseball on
and a king sized AC,
big enough for 5 PetaFLOPs and me …

[Yeah, so what you need?]

I need an computing equipment grant with no limit
and an inbound network with 10 gigabit in it
Gonna join the PetaFLOP club players
with a raised floor at 800 millimeters

[Been there, done that]

I want a new machine room full of old clusters
My own department with some PR bluster
Somewhere between Physics, Chemistry,
and Biology is fine for me

[So how you gonna do it?]

I’m gonna trade this life
for fortune and fame
I’d even cut my hair
and change my name

Because we all just want to be big HPC stars
and work in cool data centers, with negative 2 millibars
The grants come easy and the hardware comes cheap
We’ll all need coffee because we just won’t sleep

And we’ll hang out in the coolest data centers
in the VIP section with the other directors
Every good professor’s gonna wind up there,
Every vendor rep’s gonna send their gear

Hey hey, I wanna be an HPC star
Hey-hey, I wanna be an HPC star

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